Homecoming Bash

It was a big night at The Wright Restaurante and the beautiful people were out in full force. The evening began with drinks and appetizers ( beverage of choice,stuffed mushrooms and shrimp cocktail) served in the fireside lounge. Later, the diners were seated in their own private dining room where they enjoyed fine cuisine of Artisan Breads and fresh garden salads, Grilled Seasoned Steak, Fresh Petitie Green Beans, Crisp Tangy Candied Carrots, and our ever popular Garlic Mashed Potatoes. During the evening, Guido the waiter, floated in and out of the dining room removing plates, refilling glasses, bringing new courses and cleaning up the frequent messes of one of the guests...who shall remain nameless *cough, Amanda, cough*. Dinner was followed by the choice of Chocolate Cream Pie or Banana Cream Pie, baked fresh by our very own pastry Chef, Dilowee. A good time was had by all but, unfortunately, due to extreme exhaustion on the part of our staff, The Wright Restaurante has closed it's doors....PERMANENTLY!!!

"FRONT"...by popular demand!

You all begged, pleaded and cajoled. I have heard the masses and I have obeyed. Here, my friends, is the Front Version you so desperately sought! (Barf bags not included when viewing the photo)

It's A Big Day!

Happy Birthday to Sara!!! In honor of Sar Bear's Birthday, please join me in singing HER special song (sung to the tune of The Dick Van Dyke Show theme song):

Saroodle the Noodle the constipated poodle la dee da, la dee da. (repeat 50 times)

I love you Sar! You are a present from God to all of us!!

Camping With The Men At Work Singing Group

Hoping to revive their lagging singing/dancing careers, Men At Work agreed to be the spokespeople for the new "No Panty-Line Depends Undergarments". Nice work boys! I see a bright MOON in your futures!

Which Will It Be?

"Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing."
Proverbs 12:18

Isn't it amazing how much power the spoken word has? I'm sure we can all recall words spoken to us that cut like a sword but hopefully we have also had the words that brought healing spoken over us as well. I wish, wish, wish that I could say I've never been the sword, but that would be a big fat lie...blahhh....

But to focus on positive thinking, I think it would be fun to hear some of the healing words that were spoken to you in your own life. One instance I can recall was soon after my parents' divorce. We had moved from Minnesota to Washington. I was 6, scared of everything and really didn't think I mattered much to anyone. As I sat in my little teeny chair in my big scary classroom, suddenly, my new scary teacher called my name. She said, "Diane, would you mind coming up here and telling the children the correct way to pronounce "library"? I heard you saying the word and you just do it so beautifully, it would help us all learn the correct pronunciation." I floated to the front and that little simple compliment lasted me many a year. :0) The teacher's name was Mrs. Bartholamew. I loved her!

Amazing Race is For Winners Not WEINERS!

If you don't watch Amazing Race then you are... just stupid, okay? And if you do watch Amazing Race then you will want to punch Peter right in the middle of his fryin' pan face, smug, smirkin' pie hole!!! He just annoys me so badly. If I was Sarah, I would put that bionic leg to good use and kick him you know where!!!

Wait a minute....could this guy be THEE Peter??!! Peter Blackpine???!! I'm scared!!! This weiner act could just be his way of getting our guard down!!!

Whatever Happened to Baby Jake?

Wagons Hooo! Bea's Final Revenge

We saw a lot of amazing sites on this trip and it really caused us all to think about the heritage of this great country we live in but it was now time for this journey to come to an end.

We parted from the grandparents at the northeastern corner of Oregon and set out for a grueling 8 hour drive to our abode for the next week - a pet friendly hotel in Tukwila, WA...our new home wouldn't be ready to move into so we had to stay there.

Everyone was tired and cranky but we got checked in to two rooms at the hotel; Joel and I in one room, Sara, Jake, Ezra-the-crap-happy-cat, Griffeth-the-breathe-and-shed-50 lbs-of hair-dog, and of course, Beatrix-the-plugged-up-gigantasaurus-rottie in the other room.

After everyone was settled into their rooms, we decided to go out to eat. We were driving along a busy road when Sara screamed, "GROSS!!! A naked man!!!! Don't look Jacob!!!" So of course we ALL looked. Gross. A naked man....What a weirdo. This doughy man was standing in front of his floor length window of his hotel room letting all the world in on his shortcomings...if ya know what I mean. One more crack in Sara's delicate mental condition. She was traumatized for sure.

After dinner we took the dogs on for a walk. Beatrix was still plugged up but seemed to be in fine spirits.

At about midnight I received a frantic call from Sara, "Mom!!! Beatrix just crapped all over the place!! It's everywhere!!! Please help!!!" It was the grossest thing I have ever seen or smelled. We were all gagging. We're talkin' floor, walls, door, there may have even been some on the ceiling...can't remember cuz I tried to block it out.... Somehow we managed to clean it all up but it was only the tip of the iceberg. Beatrix was open, wide open and the revenge was hers indeed. All through that night she had to be taken out every 5 minutes or so and if they didn't do it in time...well...I went back to my room after cleaning up and then I would get frantic calls of, "Mom I can't take it! There's crap and hair everywhere! Jacob keeps farting and the cat will not stop pooping in his litter box!!" or "Mom I can't take it! Sara keeps whining at me and blaming me for Ezra's cat box and her stupid dog is shedding everywhere and Beatrix REEKS!!!" After awhile, Joel and I just stopped answering the phone. We tried to hide...but they already knew our room number.

We took Bea into the vet as soon as they had an opening. It took a while for the meds to take effect but the memory of that night lingered, and I do mean LINGERED on for the remainder of our time in that hotel. I have never been so happy to move into a new house in my life!!!!

Well folks, there ends the story of Wagons Hooo! I'm sure you're all relieved - and I'm sure it was boring for those of you who suffered throught the reading - but it was fun for me to go down that memory lane! We still have Griff and Ezra with us but sadly, Beatrix died on Sept. 6th, 2005. Man do we miss that girl.

Wagons Hooo! Part 6

During the final days of our trip we began to see a sharp decline in Sara's mental health - she was beginning to crack. I don't know if it was the endless hours of driving with gas bag Jacob and the Grandparents that did it, the stress of the move and leaving behind her buddies, or just her own little evil plot to drive the rest of us insane! She would begin in the early morning hours - right around when Ezra was getting ready to deliver his daily treat - she would get on the walkie talkie and start singing the Happy Days theme song. If I didn't respond by singing every other word with her things would get ugly...fast! Then she would start rattling off in German, wanting a response there. I made the mistake of putting my foot down once and not playing this crazy whacked out game of hers and we were all treated to about 4 hours of non-stop, "Wie Gehts?", "Wie Gehts?", "Wie Gehts?", etc..... I'd turn off the walkie talkie, forget about it, then turn it on 2 hours later to ask a question only to hear, "Wie Gehts?", "Wie Gehts?", etc.... She was relentless! Stubborn! Singleminded! Cracked!

Little did we know that Sara would be facing the biggest challenge to her sanity AFTER our arrival to Washington state.....This trip was just a precursor of things to come....

blahhh

part 5 is below part 4 and I can't seem to rearrange it!!!

Wagons Hooo! Part 5

I know, I know. Mt. Rushmore was NOT part of the Oregon Trail! We just had to slip off the beaten path to see this great landmark. I have to tell you, this was one of the places where my faith in humanity was really restored.

We stopped in at the Crazy Horse exhibit first and that was very beautiful. So awesome to read about the Indians of North America and the artwork and sculptures were incredible.

We then continued on to the Mt. Rushmore national landmark. We all piled out of the big truck and set off to gaze in wonder at this gigantic sculpture. I think there were just about every people group from the world there to view it along with us. We heard so many different languages and everyone seemed to be in awe of the artwork before them. Made me feel so proud!

We hiked many trails and then of course, we hit the gift shops. All of us were standing around, deciding what to do next (if you're a Wright, you know this is the way things are done, dadgummit!) when Joel decided he needed to take a pee. All of a sudden my father-in-law nudged me and said, "Watch Mom!" We all looked over there and there was my sweet mom trotting right into the men's restroom after her son. We waited a few seconds and out she trotted again...with a very red face!! Joel said he was kind of surprised to see his mom come in as he was peeing but greeted her none the less.

After spending several hours at Mt. Rushmore, we decided to head back to camp. As we approached our vehicle we saw that the dome light was on and the passenger door was wide open. With horror we realized all of the valuables we had left behind in the truck: cell phones, credit cards, purses, some cameras, etc... I felt sick inside. Rats. Traveling so many miles only to have this happen. Crap. We got to the truck and looked inside. NOTHING was missing! Not one thing!!! It was beyond belief and proof again of God's incredible care in the lives of His children! I wonder if when we get to heaven, will we see a replay of this event? Will it show our gigantic guardian Angel sitting in the cab so that no thief dared approach?? Who knows.. We all gave a huge prayer of thanksgiving!!!

On the drive back to camp God blessed us further by putting a huge herd of buffalo right in our path!! What a treat!!

Remember to look around you - He is giving you presents every minute of the day! I don't know why the Creator of All Things loves us so much....but He does!!!

Wagons Hoooo! Part 4

Well, Ezra wasn't the only one with issues. My beloved rottweiler, Beatrix, has always loved adventure. Unfortunately, change did not agree with her sensitive purebred tummy. By the time we got to Fort Laramie in Nebraska, Beatrix was so plugged up we expected her to blow at any moment. This is a terrifying thought when you consider that Beatrix was the only dog I knew who had visible farts.

I walked and walked her trying to aleave her of her discomfort - she would wait until we were in the middle of a crowd and then hunch her back and strain, all to no avail. We'd walk some more; stop, hunch, strain, nothin'. Walk, stop, hunch, strain, nothin', etc... After the first hunch, all of my family members abandoned me. That's right. Where was the love then?! To this day, I can still picture my mother and father-in-law off in the distance just dying with laughter at my burning red face and Beatrix's fruitless efforts. Poor Bea Bea. But revenge would be hers. She just needed time. Time to plot the ultimate in-your-face sweet, sweet revenge....

Wagons Hooooo! Part 3

Those of you that know me know that I LOVE anything to do with "the old West"! I love reading about it, watching old movies about it, exploring it, etc... On this trip we were able to see so many historical sites - you could even see deep scars in the land from the thousands of wagons that stopped at certain check points. It was very interesting for the humans on this trip but I was starting to worry for our critters.

Most cats don't enjoy traveling and Ezra is certainly on of those. On our move from Washington TO Minnesota, Joel and Robb had the exciting duty of driving cross country w/ two dogs and 1 cat. They did it quick time and when they pulled into the house where we were staying they were both covered in hair and had that faint aroma of poop about them. I wasn't too concerned about that as they usually have that aroma drifting about them, especially after fast food. But now I know the true source of that aroma...

Ezra was probably hoping for another quick time trip but as we had been on the road for 3 days now, he settled into a dastardly routine of revenge. His kennel was directly behind Joel and me in the cab of the truck. He had all evening and early morning to take care of business but he would purposefully hold everything in until Joel did that morning turn of the key to start the engine. Ezra would begin by making soft meowing noises that gradually grew in strength and intensity. We would both scrunch up our shoulders as we knew what was coming next. After about 15 minutes of this, he would crawl into his litter box and let loose. Nothing says, "I hate this trip" quite like fresh cat crap in your vehicle on a warm 80 degree morning. And then there's the terrifying knowledge that whatever you smell, you are actually tasting too.....

Ezra continued this routine of non-stop meowing and litterbox dumping for the remainder of our 8 day journey. I hold him directly responsible for the many, many brain cells that were killed by his noxious fumes - and yet, he is still loved...!@#**&!

Wagons Hooo, Part 2

After settling poor Griff back into the truck we all headed back to tour of Walnut Grove. Minnesota is great about preserving these old towns and the people who volunteer there really get into the spirit of things by dressing and acting the part. Granted, no one dared to become Laura or Mrs. Olsen but it was very interesting none the less. Museum type houses always have a very weird and funky smell though - and the old toys and dolls just really give me the creeps. I was ready to say goodbye to the ghost of Charles Ingalls and his wandering ways.

We continued on our journey only to run into a tremendous hail storm. The dogs burrowed deeper into their shelters and the Beverly Hillbillies' theme song entered my mind and refused to leave. We outran the storm and pulled into a "tourist attraction" of an exact replica of sod house living. We paid big bucks to see how the poor lived. The land all around us was so incredibly flat - there was hardly any break in the skyline at all. And the wind! It NEVER stopped blowing. As my mother-in-law and I walked the path, it really hit us how hardy and brave so many of our ancestors were. To get up and see only the grass for mile after mile. To have that constant wind blowing in your ears and through the cracks of your dirt house and outhouse. The windchill factor would have made temps way below zero during the winter months. I used to always want to be a pioneer wife but seeing a glimpse of the reality that they lived...I probably would have ended up in some dark corner twiddling my thumbs and flapping my knees together while humming "Mama's Little Baby Loves Shortnin' shortnin', Mama's little baby loves shortnin' bread". Oh, I just described my niece and sister...oops...:0)

Wagons Hooooo! Part 1

After selling our house in Minnesota and preparing for our move back to Washington state, we decided to celebrate by taking the Oregon Trail from St. Louis,MO to, well, Oregon. My in-laws had come out to help us with the last minute details of packing up (fortunately we had movers to do the meat of the job). They had their super cool RV and we had our F-150 extended cab pickup with our super cool tent trailer hooked on back. Robb took the easy route and flew back to WA so it was Joel, Sara, Jake, the grandparents, Beatrix (115 lb rottweiler), Griffeth (40 lb corgi), Ezra (20 lb cat), and me.

Our first stop was in Walnut Grove, MN. This is the town where Laura Ingalls Wilder spent some of her childhood. We had Ezra inside the truck in a huge kennel rigged up with cat box and the two dogs were tied in the back of the pickup w/ their beds and food, water and shelter. As we anxiously stood in line to begin the tour (Joel and Jake just couldn't wait!), we heard this terrified yelping. We wondered what poor sap's dog was being so naughty when it suddendly dawned on us, THAT'S GRIFFETH!!! We took off running back to the truck and there was Griffeth, dangling over the side of the truck, scratching frantically with his short stubby legs - and, I might add, razor sharp nails!! He had decided to follow us and we had obviously left the lead to long....but not long enough! Holy crap! If we would have been inside the exhibit, would anyone have helped him!! We knew at that point that God was with us and, once again, covering our hind ends. The multiple deep scratches on the paint job of my shiny new red truck continued to remind us of our own stupidity...

Male Restroom Etiquette, Part 2

Contrary to the restroom etiquette listed on Gizzar.com, the males of Hoomania use restroom breaks to catch up on their reading and discussing important news of the day. I personally find this a very "refreshing" tradition.... although it would depend on who were catching up with, i.e., maybe not so refreshing with that dude on the Jet Ski.....

Jet Ski Air Bags

My sister Elaine shared the exciting news that Jet Ski now provides air bags on all of their watercraft. That should be of great comfort to you water monkeys. You can now go out and play hard without worry. Anchors away!

100% Pure Peace - Accept No Substitutes!

"Do not look forward to what may happen tomorrow; the same everlasting Father who cares for you today will take care of you tomorrow and every day. Either He will shield you from suffering, or He will give you the unfailing strength to bear it."

St. Francis de Sales

Things That Make You Say, "Crap!"

Not sure why, but whenever I see that I have a message on my answering machine, it makes me say, "Crap!". Sara knows this and has been know to torment me with this knowledge.

Another thing that makes me say "Crap!" is, getting behind some moronically slow driver in the fast lane. You wait for them to move to the right but they just won't do it. In a fit of temper I swerve over to the right with the idea of speeding ahead and getting in front of them BUT....I have now gotten behind an even SLOWER moronic driver and am left in the dust by my first moronic driver. Crap! And how embarrassing...What are some things that really annoy you? I need to know for future, er, um, uh,...I mean, I'm just curious.

Can't a guy get any grub around here?!

Sheesh! I haven't eaten in like, 1/2 an hour!